fmylife

"Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML"

"Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML"

"Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reasoning was, "You have been such a downer since your mom died yesterday." FML"

"Today, I had my hair cut and straightened to impress this girl at work. She seemed really impressed and acted really nice to me all of a sudden. Turns out it's just because she thinks I'm gay now. FML"

"Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend takes me to restaurants and trying to overfeed me with romantic chocolates is because he thinks it might help my A-cup bra size to grow. FML"

"Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML"

"Today, my computer has decided to straik and there is nothing that I can do about it. It won´t show the Facebook page! Everything else works just fine exept for the only web page that I wanted to look at (Facebook). FML"
Must be difficult... ^^

"Today, I decided to evaluate my life. I'm a 30-year-old unemployed gay alcoholic and I still live with my parents. FML"

"Today, my son told me he was gay. I told him that was fine and was proud of him for being himself. He replied, "Oh, I was hoping you would reject me and tell me to never speak to you again." FML"
Fail! :'D

"Today, someone said they were surprised that I was gay after they saw me making out with some guy. That "guy" is my girlfriend. FML"

"Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML"