:'D

"Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML"

"Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML"

"Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML"

"Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML"

"Today, my parents discovered my fifteen year old sister smokes. This wouldn't be my problem, except she lied and told them I was the one supplying her with cigarettes since I'm eighteen. I'm now grounded for twice the amount of time she is. FML"

"Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. His dick was so small the condom came off. Inside me. FML"

"Today, I had planned a special date for me and my boyfriend. I wanted the first time we have sex to be magical. To him, magical was playing WOW and trying to do me at the same time. FML"

"Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML"

"Today, my mom asked to use my phone because hers was broken. After about fifteen minutes, she was done. I looked through my messages and noticed she broke up with my girlfriend of seven months for me. FML" o.O

"Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML"

"Today, my girlfriend's mom married my dad. Now I'm dating my step sister. FML"

"Today, I was watching T.V. I flicked the channel to a documentary on bad kids. They had an anonymous speaker talking about how much she hated her kids. I recognized the voice. It was my mom. FML"

"Today, my husband was playing Pokemon in bed. He hid the screen from himself and guessed the name of every pokemon encounter based on the sound of their cry. He got all 65 encounters right. This happens every night. FML"

"Today, I was walking with my girlfriend of a year and a half on the beach. Everything was fine until she saw a plane with a banner behind it saying "Cassie, will you marry me?" She said yes. I didn't order a plane. FML"