fuck my life

Jag tänkte lägga upp lite inlägg från fmylife.com. ^^

"Today, my four year old daughter showed me her beautiful artwork. I now have a stick figure and a flower carved into the passenger side door of my Volkswagen. My car got keyed by a four year old. FML"

"Today, my husband and I were going through the mail at the breakfast table. When he found a mysterious yellow letter addressed to him, he asked, "What is this?" I said jokingly, "That's one of those letters you get when someone's found out you're cheating on your spouse." He put it down and nervously said, "Oh shit." FML"

"Today, a man, who I thought was a total stranger, ran up to my wife while we were at the super market and proposed to her. Turns out it was her lover. She said yes. FML"

"Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML"

"Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML"

"Today, I went home to tell my parents that my boyfriend of five years proposed and I accepted. My mother said back, "Did I tell you about the nice young man at work? I can give you his number and set you two up if you like?" FML"

"Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML"

"Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend called out someone else's name in bed. It was a man's name. FML" Ouch...

"Today, I talked to my boyfriend's brother about whether or not my boyfriend would cheat on me if he was drunk. He told me not to worry because his brother "only makes out with guys when he's drunk." FML"

"Today, I was doing it with my boyfriend. It was getting pretty intense, and all of a sudden he shouted "Yes!", so I started going faster. He pushed me off of him and got off the bed, held up a baseball cap and said "I was looking for that!" FML" Då känner man sig uppskattad. :P(y)

"Today I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML" Hahaha :'D

"Today, I caught my boyfriend in bed with my twin. I suppose it'd be easier to believe his "I thought it was you" excuse if we were identical, or even the same sex. FML" :O XD roflmao ^^

"Today, I asked my ex, who I'm still in love with, if he ever thinks of me. He said that he does. Very often. During sex. So he doesn't come too soon. FML" ...

"Today I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "if only you were this good in real life." FML"

"Today, I got drunk and had a dream that I had had the most amazing sex with my girlfriend. The good news is that the sex was real, the bad news is that it wasn't my girlfriend that I woke up next to. FML"

"Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, I tried to last longer by thinking of fat, hairy, man nipples. I came faster. FML" :')

"Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML"

"Today, I confirmed my suspicions that my wife is sleeping with our next door neighbor. However, I failed to predict the part where she's sleeping with my sister, too. FML"